creatureheart | Entries tagged with therianthropy

copy+pasting from my tumblr

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so I think I have come to the conclusion that I have a hearthome and that place being the Australian Alps, or as we usually refer to it, the "high country"

I've always been connected to the area through media throughout my entire life, and even at one point had the childhood dream/plan to live up on the mountains because of that connection and love of the place

while not as strong now, and also living in a completely different state, I do still have a connection to it, it still feels right, to the point that it was the first thing that came to mind when a daily question in a server I'm in popped up prompting

"Describe yourself, and/or your main N/AHaA identity, as a location besides your/its hearthome."

at the time of the question I wasn't even thinking that it was a hearthome, I never had put in much thought about anything like that tbh, still new to even acknowledging I'm nonhuman/alterhuman to begin with, but the more I thought about it, and having seen some things recently about the area, yeah, I think it is a hearthome to me

that being said, I also think I may be a brumby
my horse 'type has been simply a horse, and I think for the most part it will continue to be, but also saying I am a brumby feels right, plus the connection of brumbies to the high country then also makes sense for me, even though they are found all over Australia

so yeah, bit of an update
always interesting how things slowly reveal themselves even when you're not as strong in your identity as some

Originally Posted: Jul 3rd 2024 on tumblr

I think it’s been pretty obvious from the start of this blog, and before I made it, that I am a hyena.

I just have hesitated to say that I am one because my brain has been waiting or hoping for some big sign that yes, I am this thing, when I’ve been identifying in some way as one for years, whether through a sona or gender wise.

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Addition: Sep 21st 2024

I am also a horse.

Neither of these identities have specifics at this point, might not ever.
We shall see if they become more specifics in time, and if anything else appears.

I feel like my nonhumanity is a mix of always having been the animal kid and then the later additions of being queer and finding out I'm indigenous when older. I'm such a mix of things that so many others do not, and will not, see as human, so I'm not human. Simple as that.

As always, the doubt and worry is still there about being genuine. But as others have pointed out, those who are not in some way something "other" wouldn't be questioning things. And each experience is different.

I don't think that doubt will ever fully leave, even more so with the words of others hovering around in my mind, even if I know how I feel is more important then what they say. I am much more strong willed when standing up for others who are not me than I am myself.

Besides that, I want to find ways to connect with my nonhuman self more, but I'm not even sure where to start. I don't have specifics to hone in on, and I don't know if I experience many things that I see others talk about — phantom limbs, shifts, etc (which makes the doubt grip tighter).

I only have vague ideas and such of what I believe I would have if I was to be what i think I should look like. I just know I wouldn't be human, or not entirely human if I had the choice of becoming myself.

idk

— Pandora

I have figured that this is probably just overthinking, but I'm still going to post this on here.

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Being so new to the community, I'm kinda just floating on the outskirts, trying to allow myself to figure things out, which I know takes time.

That being said, I feel like I hesitate at times in allowing myself to think about things because a lot of stuff you come across leans more into spiritual based things, and I have never been a spiritual being, so to try and look at my nonhumaness through a spiritual lens I don't think will ever really work.

I don't have phantom shifts, that I know of? Or would even know what to look for with them? And while I think reincarnation is a cool idea — and is technically the one afterlife belief that would make some kind of sense because all matter is recycled and used again — I don't have any way to know if I have past lives.

But would something to do with how I see my gender and ideal self be enough to make me nonhuman?

Would that be psychological?

Or would that be another reason a part from the two listed for a nonhuman identity?

Part of me is, in the clearest way possible, anxious and worried that I cannot truly be nonhuman without a certain idea to my nonhuman self. Matching what I have seen among those also part of the community, even though I know no one is the same, or experiences their identity the same way.

And then there is the fear of finding out I might not be nonhuman, even though exploring your identity and realizing you're not something is entirely valid... but I also do think that I am nonhuman as I have just never really been human regarding actions and thoughts about myself, etc, etc.

I don't know. =(

— Pandora

Reading and watching things and immersing myself in small bits and pieces of the nonhuman community has brought up strong feelings of wanting to be outside. Wanting to exercise, which isn't a large drive for me. I was way more active as a child than I am now because outside was where my space was.

I'm so interested in trying out quads, but with the years of my life without much physical activity, I know my arms and legs ain't gonna like it much for a while. So wondering if I should try to strengthen them a bit first.

I've had some lovely people give me some advice about it already, but wouldn't mind more takes, more comments if anyone has anything else to add, or ways to help build the strength and such for it.

I just crave to be able to move like that. Like how I use to when a kid, though back then it was hands and knees.

— Pandora

Been thinking recently about how when I was a child I would make a handful of different animal noises.

Howl
Whinny
Hiss
Roar (dino based from dino movies and documentaries)

Along with the acting like an animal that I use to do. And while I know that this could, and is, very much just a kid thing, I feel like I was connected and held onto things way longer than most... like to just before I entered high school(Australia).

But then how there was a point where I had to "grow up".

Again, I know this could just be the play and imagination of a human child, but recently it's sat with me. I've been tempted to growl, bare my teeth. I'd howl if I could but I do not live alone, and I don't think others would be all that happy with the sudden loud noise.

I honestly don't know if it means anything. If it's me just being influenced by things — I got a strong urge to growl and such after watching Wolfwalkers for the first time, — or if it's something else.

— Pandora

I do honestly think that in some way I am not human.

I don’t think I ever have been completely human. My brain accepts that this body is what would be called human, and so I am limited to what humans are limited to. But I’m not human.

It’s hard to think about what exactly it means though. Hard to say how it feels. Mostly because I am not sure what language I can use? Would use?

I don’t have a single idea as to what my nonhumanity would even be, if anything. I want my teeth to fit my idea of what they should be like. I want a tail. How exactly things would look besides those vague concepts is fuzzy though, like my mind won’t allow me to settle on something. Won’t allow me to see myself.

Its so hard because I know, much like any part of identity, it’s a journey to figure out. It will take time. But my mind is screaming that it wants to know NOW, and the not knowing makes me second guess, doubt, wonder if I’m faking it, etc.

Confusing is the word I would use for it.

— Pandora

I'm not entirely sure where to start with anything when it comes to me figuring things out. But I figured I would put my thoughts down when I have them to try and help, or get some other opinions on where to go and what to do next.

So I guess this is my first post about it.

I don't feel like I should be human. I won't go into too much detail, just getting down the basics, but I feel like I should be something else. Something more than what I am, but what exactly I do not know. This body seems... limited? Not in a bad way, but I feel like that I should not be this. Not be like this.

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